Suicide survivors and grief

This is such a difficult topic. Anyone who has been touched by suicide is forever changed by that loss. I've felt it, and if you're reading this, maybe you've felt it too.

I've been touched by suicide twice in my life: once by a family member and more recently by a high school classmate. In my experience, processing these intense feelings doesn't get any easier with time. Raw is raw no matter how you slice it. The stages of grief sound clinical but they are anything but.

With denial, it's typical to feel shocked and overwhelmed by life. It's hard to cope and process something that isn't understood. Anger can coat us with guilt for not recognizing the signs and for the victim leaving us to deal with their loss. The bargaining stage is full of what-ifs for how things could be different if-only... Depression is the mantle of sadness many survivors wear. And then there's isolation and shame that make us want to hide our hurt from the world and bury our emotions. That fog of sadness oft times becomes a lens through which we now see the world. Accepting the reality of what happened is difficult for many survivors. Even if they accept what happened, that doesn't make it right or okay. It just becomes a fact. This grieving process varies for each individual.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states that 44,193 Americans die each year from suicide. That's a rate of about 13.6 for every 10,000 individuals. For every suicide, 25 were attempted. (https://afsp.org/about-suicide/suicide-statistics/)

With suicide being widespread and painful for the survivors, you may wonder why I'd include any mention of suicide in a cozy mystery. One of the things I try to do through my writing is to make some sense of this world. Oftentimes, events don't have happy endings, and I use fictional characters to ensure justice is served and to create a happier resolution.

The inception of my dreamwalker series was influenced by my loss over the natural deaths of two relatives. Unwilling to believe they were completely gone, I created a fictional spirit world in this series based on multiple influences in my life. My amateur sleuth Baxley Powell is a person whose spirit traverses worlds. Her goal in every book is to get justice for the dead, solace for the living.

 

Dadgummit, my latest paranormal mystery, centers around an energy thief, also known as an energy vampire, who steals people's energy, taking them to the point of death. Without revealing the whole plot, there are minor characters who are star-crossed in love. He's caught up in the energy thief's world, she's finally found someone who understands her. The energy thief takes the life of the young man, and the distraught young woman makes the choice to join her boyfriend in death via energy thief, in the vein of Romeo and Juliet. Her family is crushed, just as you'd expect them to be. But because of the dreamwalker, they receive an assurance. This pair gets a happy ending in the spirit world. Better yet, the energy thief gets what's coming to him.

Does that make suicide right? No. It doesn't. This is one person creating a scenario where the pain of suicide is lessened by a fictional resolution. Our reality is that we live in a broken world. Through religion or faith we have a belief system that may (or may not) help us through this time of trial.

How can we help suicide survivors? Here are some tips from the Survivors of Suicide website: listen, be compassionate, respect their need to grieve, be aware of support groups, be open and nonjudgmental, and more. http://www.survivorsofsuicide.com/index.html There are many more resources on the internet just a click away.

I've got news!

Nothing like news to put a spark in our heart and pep in our step. I've been sitting on my news waiting for just the right moment and here it is.

Granddog Missie stars in this series

BIG NEWS for me: I've signed a new contract with Five Star for the third book in my Cleopatra Jones series. Since Cleo's an accountant, my books have a money theme. DIME IF I KNOW follows On the Nickel and In for a Penny. This time around Cleo's golf pro boyfriend is suspected of murdering a former girlfriend. The release date is still to be announced, but it's party time in Maggie-World!

Maggie, on left, with Polly Iyer

GOOD NEWS - the fourth outing of my pacing workshop, this time at the Upstate SC Sisters in Crime monthly meeting, was met with smiles all around. My friend Terri Ridgell prompted me to create this workshop for the Amelia Island Book Festival in 2007. Since then, I've given it at the Florida Heritage Book Festival, the Ancient City Romance Writers, and now, SINC. I get a big kick out of showing things with terrible pacing and then taking them apart to make the pacing better.

Here's an example of poor pacing from my workshop: On December 24, no, wait, I think it was the 23rd. No, I was right the first time, it was the 24th because that's the day Amy skinned her knee. Anyway, my insomnia was acting up again. My wife was sound asleep. The kids were snoozing. Even Benjie's teenage anorexic mouse was sawing zees.

If you get rid of the extraneous stuff to keep it in the moment, it pares down to: On Dec 24 I couldn't sleep. My wife, kids and the mouse were out cold. -- bottom line, not very interesting. More fun before, but too dithery for an opening of my work. (The opening of a story is a promise from the author that the rest of the work will be written in the same style)

If you look at the word choices and consider meter and beat, you might end up with something like Clement Moore wrote: Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring not even a mouse... It's all about the word choice.

There's a place and a time for having wandering prose. The secret is knowing when and where to be lean and when to dally. That's the whole point of pacing.

The end of my workshop is a creative writing exercise and folks really get into it. I hope you enjoy the photos of some of the group at work. And thanks, SINC Upstate SC, for such a warm welcome.

MORE GOOD NEWS - My work-in-progress has been through the plot edit, the characterization edit, the Margie Lawson color-coded edit, and most of it has been critiqued. Now I'm letting it rest a week while I work on the synopsis. Then it will get another read, this time on my Kindle, before it heads out to my editor. I'm pretty psyched about this story. It follows the adventures of the cop from Muddy Waters and a hunky arson investigator. Lots of action and romance in HOT WATER!

EVEN MORE GOOD NEWS - The large print edition of Death, Island Style is available now. Here's the listing at Amazon if large print is your thing: http://tinyurl.com/7r7vagc. I've ordered postcard mailers for library notification, and those should arrive any day now.

This book is flying off the shelf (big smile here) with great reviews like these:

“an exciting whodunit” – Publishers Weekly

“Toussaint creates a gutsy heroine whose struggles with murder and romance add up to a very enjoyable read” – Kirkus Reviews

“Eccentric and fun, this book is definitely worth a read” – Romantic Times

“Toussaint's feel-good stand-alone flies by as her initially wimpy heroine develops a backbone and comes out a winner on all fronts. Nice regional flair.” – Library Journal

Thanks for sharing in  my good news! Wishing everyone a happy June.

Maggie Toussaint

Like me on facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MaggieToussaintAuthor#

Recharge your creativity tank

I’ve heard rumblings lately. Rumblings about how draggy folks are feeling. And  you know what? I’m feeling a twinge of the dog-days-of-August blues, and it’s only May.

In the publishing industry, the promo whirl is never ending. Got a book? Hype it here. Hype it there. Hook readers on this network or that one. Join the next greatest social media utility and start over collecting friends. And do it all while you maintain a grasp on life, and, oh yeah, don’t forget about moving forward on that next book.

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing all of that, but sometimes the creativity tank gets empty.

Know what I mean?

I notice it most when I spread myself too thin, when I’ve got too many active projects. Or when I start to think about the “have-nots,” as in there’s not enough time in the day to get everything done or not enough “likes” or “tags” or reviews.

When the have-nots and bone-deep weariness hit, writers go into a nasty spiral of inactivity.

It’s easy to get caught in that comparison trap. So-and-so has meteoric sales, a big-time contract, a movie deal, or network TV interviews. We all know people that seem to jet right to the top without “paying their dues.”

What’s a writer to do?

Here are five ideas to help:

Recharge your muse. Not everyone admits to having a muse, but we all know what it feels like when our creativity stalls. Not good. Many writers are also attracted to other arts. Visit a museum or get out your paints. Listen to music or take in a concert. Enjoy an arts and crafts festival. Take a photography course. Putter around in garden centers. Sew something pretty. Whatever it is that makes you happy – go for it.

Narrow your goal focus. Need to get the newsletter out, update the website, and create a postcard promotion for next month’s book release? Focus on one thing at a time. For me the pay-off comes when I check off each accomplishment on my to-do list.

Look outward. To get out of the dismal have-not trap, expand your focus beyond your everyday realm. Connect with real people in your physical universe. See firsthand the struggles others are going through, and your have-nots will pale in comparison. It’s about regaining your sense of perspective.

Nurture your physical health. It’s easy to forget our health. For a change, put yourself first. Whether it’s a foot massage you need, a walk by the seaside, or a medical checkup, make time to be healthy. Feeling a bit dull? Make sure you’re getting enough sleep. One thing’s for certain. An engine won’t run on crappy fuel. It will sputter and grind to a halt. Eat the right foods.

Take a hiatus. There are times when nothing seems to help. Your body/soul/spirit/muse needs a complete break. Whether it’s a weekend getaway or a Mediterranean cruise or a Habitat for Humanity house, doing something else shifts your immediate attention and engages you. Before you know it, ideas will start percolating again and you’ll be itching to hit the keyboard again.

Putting this post together energized me. I'm off to work on edits for my latest romantic suspense.

Maggie Toussaint

Read an excerpt of Death, Island Style at http://www.maggietoussaint.com/death_island_style.html