Another friend was diagnosed with cancer. The news devastated us all. I flailed around, not sure how to best help this particular friend.
How do you show you care?
Here are my thoughts on the matter.
Be a sounding board. The best thing a friend can do is sit
and listen. Sometimes just the companionship is enough. Other times, listening
is the trick. This is not the time to ramble on and on about every person you
ever knew who had cancer; this is the time to use your ears.
The affirmative power of touch. Cancer patients often feel
sick, so it’s important to ask about touching before you go barging in and
bestowing big hugs. A pat on the arm or the shoulder is a good way to show you
still consider this person a valued friend or family member. Let them direct
how much touch they’d like to have from you.
Bring a gift. A new set of sleeping apparel (nightgown/pajamas)
is a nice gesture. So is a specialty pillow or slippers. Avoid highly scented
items like flowers and candles, which may aggravate nausea. Perhaps a thick
robe, a shawl, or stylish headwear would also be welcomed. Books, movies, and
music are a welcome diversion.
Meals. Your friend with cancer will have specific meal requirements.
Find out what they are. Provide what works for you. Remember that the caretaker
needs to eat too. Don’t forget if you volunteer to do this!
Practical help. Lending a hand is easy. You can cut
the lawn, weed the flower beds, vacuum, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, or whatever help
is needed.
Bill-paying. Your friend may need help paying bills. It may
be as simple as doing everything but signing their checks for them. Or spearhead
a community drive to help provide financial assistance.
Driving and errands. Many cancer patients require daily
radiation treatments. If you can provide respite for their caregiver, that’s a
help. A gas card is a help. Running errands, like grocery shopping, is also helpful.
Know when to stay away. If your friend prefers solitude, respect his/her wishes. A
weekly card, a brief phone call, or a text message are a way to reach out
to them.
Conversation. Don’t shy away from hard topics or sadness,
but remember to also ask about your friend’s interests. Talk about the future. Allow
the cancer patient to focus on something other than this illness.
Be consistent. Follow-through with commitments you make to your
friend.
Those are my thoughts on helping friends with cancer. Please
share your thoughts on how you’ve helped someone, or how someone has helped
you.
Maggie Toussaint
tackling another one of life's mysteries
www.maggietoussaint.com
