Showing posts with label helping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label helping. Show all posts

Monday, April 2, 2012

Friends with cancer


Another friend was diagnosed with cancer. The news devastated us all. I flailed around, not sure how to best help this particular friend.

 How do you show you care? 

Here are my thoughts on the matter.

Be a sounding board. The best thing a friend can do is sit and listen. Sometimes just the companionship is enough. Other times, listening is the trick. This is not the time to ramble on and on about every person you ever knew who had cancer; this is the time to use your ears.

The affirmative power of touch. Cancer patients often feel sick, so it’s important to ask about touching before you go barging in and bestowing big hugs. A pat on the arm or the shoulder is a good way to show you still consider this person a valued friend or family member. Let them direct how much touch they’d like to have from you.

Bring a gift. A new set of sleeping apparel (nightgown/pajamas) is a nice gesture. So is a specialty pillow or slippers. Avoid highly scented items like flowers and candles, which may aggravate nausea. Perhaps a thick robe, a shawl, or stylish headwear would also be welcomed. Books, movies, and music are a welcome diversion.

Meals. Your friend with cancer will have specific meal requirements. Find out what they are. Provide what works for you. Remember that the caretaker needs to eat too. Don’t forget if you volunteer to do this!



Practical help. Lending a hand is easy. You can cut the lawn, weed the flower beds, vacuum, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, or whatever help is needed.

Bill-paying. Your friend may need help paying bills. It may be as simple as doing everything but signing their checks for them. Or spearhead a community drive to help provide financial assistance.    

Driving and errands. Many cancer patients require daily radiation treatments. If you can provide respite for their caregiver, that’s a help. A gas card is a help. Running errands, like grocery shopping, is also helpful.
 
Know when to stay away. If your friend prefers solitude, respect his/her wishes. A weekly card, a brief phone call, or a text message are a way to reach out to them.

Conversation. Don’t shy away from hard topics or sadness, but remember to also ask about your friend’s interests. Talk about the future. Allow the cancer patient to focus on something other than this illness.

Be consistent. Follow-through with commitments you make to your friend.    

Those are my thoughts on helping friends with cancer. Please share your thoughts on how you’ve helped someone, or how someone has helped you.  

Maggie Toussaint
tackling another one of life's mysteries
www.maggietoussaint.com                                

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Giving Back


George Eshilman, Maggie Toussaint, Wally Orrel
 This past week, I spoke at the Rotary Club in my hometown. The invite flumoxed me at first as this is a group of folks who help others in a very big way. I'm guilty of scheduling myself to the max, so that there's no time leftover for one more thing.

To prepare, I started thinking of giving back and helping others, and I was delighted to realize I had something to say. Now there's no way I give "Service Above Self" like the Rotarians, but I'm not a total slacker either.

About 4 years ago, I wrote, produced, and starred in a mini-series for local access TV on literacy. It was a blast, and I really enjoyed creating the programs. However, 25 minutes of air time equated to more than ten hours per week of prep-work. After I did about 5 shows, I had done all I could do without giving up my paying day job. But it was a community service.

Within the writing realm, I've helped beginning writers with critiques and advice.  I donated the profits from No Second Chance to a horse rescue farm.Outside of writing, I've helped at church, cooked meals for shut-ins, served on the Library Board, wrote newsletters for non-profits, and tutored elementary students.

I'm not saying this to toot my horn, but to seed the helping ground. Chime in and let me know of ways you've helped others. Maybe we'll spark a wave of helping!

Maggie Toussaint
Seeing Red - the bed and breakfast that almost wasn't
$2.99 in all digital formats
http://www.smashwords.com/