Proactive or reactive?

As a long-time people watcher, I've come up with a way to definitively distinguish between people types. I've been down the Myers-Briggs road, the horoscope road, the gender divide, cultural differences, and more. While each system has it own merits, I find my division makes the most sense to me.

No matter when you're born, what culture you grow up in, what gender you are, it seems that deep within each of us is a kernel of reactivity. We're either proactive in our response patterns or reactive. And it's this difference that determines if people get along.

Have you ever been in a group, say at work, where the leader wants all these contingency plans laid out to the nth degree? Or have you experienced a disaster (computer crash, tornado, vehicle accident on the way to pick up your kids) and had to deal with a rapidly changing scenario?

In either case, the group immediately stratifies into folks who are slow to react and people who want to get ahead of the curve. There's a basic sociological principle that "Like seeks like" so we are naturally drawn to folks who think like us.

I've been caught short before and didn't like it. Matter of fact, the thought of a pop quiz or playing my guitar in front of people without sheet music is paralyzing. To perform at a consistently high level, I need to know what is coming next.

Therefore I like to plan - I fit into the proactive group.

I plan with daily to-do lists, with word count goals and logs, with a weekly chores list, and so on. If I know I'm going out of town, I get stories banked for my newspaper job.

This is fine until I'm in a group of reactive folks. They look at my proactive planning as unnecessary and a waste of time. The important stuff always gets done, somehow. And they seem to think there's no need to go looking for trouble. They are content with the status quo and when something happens, they go with the flow.

Do you agree with this division?

Which are you? Proactive? Reactive?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Maggie Toussaint
like me on FB: http://www.facebook.com/MaggieToussaintAuthor# 

Maggie does Malice

Maggie, left, with Barbara Graham

This was my second year of attending Malice Domestic as a published author. For those who aren't familiar with this event, it's a mystery fan conference, which is a great treat for mystery writers.

Canadians RJ Harlick and Vicki Delany

Like 2011, the conference was held at the Hyatt Regency in Bethesda, Maryland. For intrepid travelers, it was a stop off the DC Metro. For the rest of us, it was a shuttle ride from the airport or a threading-the-Beltway adventure by automobile.

My roommate Barbara Graham shares the same publisher, Five Star Cengage with me, and we're both members of Sisters in Crime and members of our respective Mystery Writers of America chapters. You might think a gal from Cody, Wyoming would have little in common with a gal from Darien, Georgia, but we both speak "writer" so all was good.

From our breakfast with the Canadians and a very nice fan named Lexa, to the popular Malice Go Round, Friday morning passed in a blur. The ladies from breakfast became familiar faces that we would meet and dine with throughout the conference.

Barbara Graham, center

Malice Go Round is a speed-dating format where authors get two minutes to pitch their book to tables of fans. There were 20 tables and 40 authors, so it was an intense hour and some change. I partnered with Barbara, and by the midway point I could have pitched her Murder by Music and she could have hit all the high points of my Death, Island Style.

We went right from Malice Go Round to the Guppy lunch over at Booeymongers. How fun to connect with this group of friends from the Guppy chapter of SINC.

Erika Chase, Janet Bolin, Maggie, and Barbara

There was all kind of stuff going on at the conference in the afternoon, but I was toast. Being on grandma duty for the two weeks prior to the conference had taken a toll on my energy reserves. I emerged for dinner, but I wasn't good for much else that day.

Saturday was an easy day for me because my panel wasn't until the next day. We went to the new authors breakfast and enjoyed hearing about their books. I spent the morning and part of the afternoon chatting with authors, shopping in the bookstore, and enjoying the author panels. Barbara earned a gold star for doing everything, including donating an item for the charity raffle and staying all the way through the Agatha Tea on Sunday.

Guppies - Maggie and Liz Zelvin

The conference offered box lunches on Saturday. Barbara and I grabbed ours and joined the throng listening to the Poison Lady. She offered insider knowledge on ways to kill people - in books. The astonishing thing is that she was able to purchase an item at the dollar store for under $2 that would have been enough liquid to wipe out more than a dozen people. Because I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about this, I'm not mentioning the item. Suffice it to say that this was an eye-opening session.

We enjoyed a nice walk outside prior to the banquet. Luckily, we wore our rain jackets because it started raining during our walk.

Lisa Wysocky, Maggie, Nancy Cohen

The banquet was lovely. We enjoyed the company of Canada's RJ Harlick, who sponsored our table. She handed out favors, and I was lucky enough to receive a dreamcatcher, which I've added to the pull of my office ceiling fan. Award winners on this night included Chris Grabenstein, Best YA; Dana Cameron, Best Short Story; Leslie Budewitz, Best nonfiction; Rhys Bowen, Best Historical Mystery; Sara Henry, Best first novel; and Margaret Maron, Best Novel.

Sunday morning I realized I'd forgotten to sign up for the SINC breakfast, so it was breakfast on my own, panels, and networking. Right before my 11:10 a.m. panel, I realized I needed a snack. Lisa Wysocky had the same idea. We were eating and chatting and I lost track of the time, dashing off to my panel at the last minute.

"Down the Shore" panel at Malice 2012 - I'm second from left!

I was so rattled. The entire panel was assembled and there I was, dead last! Fortunately our moderator for "Down the Shore," Trish Carrico, had sent her questions ahead of time, so I had written out my answers in very large print, which I placed on the table before me.

Maggie, Michelle L. Johnson, Trish Carrico

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to sound coherent when you're rattled? I had 100 proof adrenaline surging through my veins and no telling what was coming out my mouth. Thank goodness for my speaking notes or I would have gotten completely off track.

I was especially nervous about the special question Trish had planned for each of us. Through time I've realized I don't do "unplugged" very well, and I approached this question with all the enthusiasm one has for a pop quiz.

But my fears were soon alleviated. Trish asked me about my stream of consciousness style of writing for MaryBeth, my protagonist in Death, Island Style. She said how engaging that style of writing was to her. I was elated that I knew the answer. Even better, people in the crowd nodded their heads in understanding. Thank you, Trish, for being so kind.

After the booksigning time, we had lunch at la Madelaine, and it was time for me to go. I said goodbye to my roommate and good friend, and headed to my daughter's house to see that precious grandbaby again before the long trek back to Georgia.

You know what? I'm already looking forward to next year.

Maggie Toussaint
like my Facebook page! http://www.facebook.com/MaggieToussaintAuthor#

What would you do?

What would you do if you saw your husband kissing your sister? Really kissing her with his hands in all the wrong places?

In my new mystery, Murder in The Buff, Molly Darter handled that scenario by throwing everything that wasn’t nailed down at her husband. She kicked him out of their home. She quit speaking to her sister.

She knew what she saw. Her eyes didn’t lie. Worse, her husband looked guilty. He tried to talk to her about it but she couldn’t stand to be around him. Every time she saw him that kiss of betrayal flashed in her head again.

Molly and Hadley’s marriage is a rich vein of conflict in this mystery. It echoes the theme of broken relationships that come into play in the murder plot. Love and murder – it just doesn’t get any better than that in my mind.

I write about people who make mistakes because I’m curious about human behavior. Love can be very messy.

Some people honor their romantic commitments. Some people cheat. Some cheaters fall apart when they get caught. (What were they thinking?) In real life, these things never end well. Arguments get nastier. Lines get drawn in the sand. Hurt pride rears its ugly head. Outsiders take sides. No one can back down.

This type of emotional conflict is great fuel for a story, plus as an author, I get to create the ending I want. That’s the beauty of fiction.

But I’m curious as to how you might handle a situation like this in real life or in the pages of a book. Would you go all ballistic? Would you withdraw and cry out your hurt all alone? Would you get even? Would you listen to what your spouse had to say?

Would your answer have been different twenty years ago?

What would you do?

Maggie Toussaint

Puzzling her way through life

Writers, pay yourself first

Pay yourself first. I heard this advice the first time years ago about financial matters. My husband and I were newlyweds with two incomes. A friend of his needed people to practice his financial spiel upon.

We volunteered, thinking it would be an evening that could have been better spent. Instead, we heard life-changing news. Pay yourself first.

The financial planner said that to get ahead and look to the future, you have to set money aside before you pay your bills or do any other spending. That simple advice stuck with us, and we took it to heart.

Recently, I realized I need to apply that concept to my writing. With a few books out, a few in the hopper, and more burning to get out, distractions abound.

Some days I can spend two to three hours answering my email, visiting the blogs of friends, or sending out a few words here and there in cyberspace. But if I do that first, I lose track of my quality hours of writing – those muse-happy first hours of the day.

On those dilly-dallying days, my writing goal of 1,000 words a day on the new book might as well be a million words. I can’t get it done.

How many of us have said that?

How many of us repeat that sentiment frequently?

Pay yourself first means to take a view of the big picture. You want to keep releasing books? You have to write them first. Put those words in the story bank. Build for your future.

I’ve had to be more rigid about social media hours in the morning. I still check my email – heck there might be a contract in my inbox, ya know? – but if there isn’t something of life-shattering urgency there, I shut down the email program. I’m not allowed to turn it on again until the daily word count is done.

.

No Facebook or other programs either.

Pay yourself first means being disciplined about your writing time. It means keeping that long-term goal visible instead of getting caught up in the social media whirl. Sure, the online stuff is fun. Sure, those people are good friends, but they won’t mind if you “Like” their posts or make witty remarks a few hours later.

Pay yourself first. 

I can’t say that phrase enough. Invest in your writing future.

Maggie Toussaint
New: Murder in the Buff and Death, Island Style
Check out all my titles at www.maggietoussaint.com 

Friends with cancer

Another friend was diagnosed with cancer. The news devastated us all. I flailed around, not sure how to best help this particular friend.

 How do you show you care? 

Here are my thoughts on the matter.

Be a sounding board. The best thing a friend can do is sit and listen. Sometimes just the companionship is enough. Other times, listening is the trick. This is not the time to ramble on and on about every person you ever knew who had cancer; this is the time to use your ears.

The affirmative power of touch. Cancer patients often feel sick, so it’s important to ask about touching before you go barging in and bestowing big hugs. A pat on the arm or the shoulder is a good way to show you still consider this person a valued friend or family member. Let them direct how much touch they’d like to have from you.

Bring a gift. A new set of sleeping apparel (nightgown/pajamas) is a nice gesture. So is a specialty pillow or slippers. Avoid highly scented items like flowers and candles, which may aggravate nausea. Perhaps a thick robe, a shawl, or stylish headwear would also be welcomed. Books, movies, and music are a welcome diversion.

Meals. Your friend with cancer will have specific meal requirements. Find out what they are. Provide what works for you. Remember that the caretaker needs to eat too. Don’t forget if you volunteer to do this!

Practical help. Lending a hand is easy. You can cut the lawn, weed the flower beds, vacuum, do the laundry, clean the bathrooms, or whatever help is needed.

Bill-paying. Your friend may need help paying bills. It may be as simple as doing everything but signing their checks for them. Or spearhead a community drive to help provide financial assistance.    

Driving and errands. Many cancer patients require daily radiation treatments. If you can provide respite for their caregiver, that’s a help. A gas card is a help. Running errands, like grocery shopping, is also helpful.

 

Know when to stay away. If your friend prefers solitude, respect his/her wishes. A weekly card, a brief phone call, or a text message are a way to reach out to them.

Conversation. Don’t shy away from hard topics or sadness, but remember to also ask about your friend’s interests. Talk about the future. Allow the cancer patient to focus on something other than this illness.

Be consistent. Follow-through with commitments you make to your friend.    

Those are my thoughts on helping friends with cancer. Please share your thoughts on how you’ve helped someone, or how someone has helped you.  

Maggie Toussaint

tackling another one of life's mysteries

www.maggietoussaint.com                                

The Watson Toe

I never thought of my feet as anything but my feet until I heard my nephew talking one day. He announced that one of his daughters has "the Watson toe."

Torn between rabid curiosity and half-afraid this was something bad, I leaned forward to ask more about it. My nephew claimed the Watson toe came to his kids by way of his mother, who is my sister, and we all started out with the maiden name of Watson, hence the Watson toe.

Instead of assuaging my curiosity, that bit of information fired up the dormant scientist in my brain. Were we talking genetics? Could I have it? I ripped off my shoes and studied my feet. Lo and behold, I had the Watson toe as well. (My foot is at 6 o'clock in the photo above.)

Now for those of you who are serious scientists, know that this is a localized term. There is no such scientific designation as the Watson toe, which is what we now call the second toe being longer than the first toe.

I found a study online in a scientific journal Ergonomics which measured toes in Caucasians, Koreans, and Asians. And if I understood what they said, Caucasians have a more rounded toe extension pattern than Koreans or Asians. Click over for yourself and have a gander at the phrasing: http://tinyurl.com/833myw5

Did you know there was such a thing as toe cleavage? That's the gap of toes that shows above the covered toe of a shoe, like a pump. I don't often let my toe cleavage show - do you?

Getting back to toe length - is your big toe or your second toe longer? Is that really determined by genetics?

Here's a point of view which says maybe. http://tinyurl.com/7sgej8e The upshot of this more readable article: genetics may play a role, but more than one gene is likely involved. Thank you, John MacDonald from the University of Delaware for thinking about this in such detail!

So much for toes.

I've had two smashing guest appearances elsewhere for my recent releases. If you haven't stopped in at Pat Stoltey's place to see my interview and my gardening hat, check it out at this permalink: http://bit.ly/GEXpRf . Also, Jane Richardson kindly hosted me for a One-Link Lowdown at her place and there's lots of great intel and dirt there. Here's that permalink: http://tinyurl.com/6mntyz7 This coming Friday, I'll be hanging out with Caroline Clemmons at her place(http://carolineclemmons.blogspot.com/)

Always a pleasure to see you at Mudpies. Y'all come back now, ya hear?

Maggie Toussaint
www.maggietoussaint.com

More good news for Murder in the Buff

Last week I posted a five star review for my new digital mystery release, Murder in the Buff. Since then, I've been fortunate to receive two more wonderful reviews for this ecclectic mystery.

Amazon reviewer Mona Risk of Florida had this to say: "... Thanks to the incredible talent of Maggie Toussaint and her amazing writing style, we share the stress faced by Molly, fall in love with the characters: the sexy and so attractive husband Hadley, the capricious and insecure sister, the down-to-earth and lovable Dad, and let's not forget the incredible nudist Mama Leon who is a man. Add to that delicious dialogues full of innuendoes, and steamy love scenes. M. Toussaint kept me reading, laughing, and biting my nails until I finished MURDER IN THE BUFF. I highly recommend it."


Here's a snip of what Sharon Hopkins of Missouri said in her Amazon review: "... MURDER IN THE BUFF is one laugh-out-loud, terrific read."

Read the full reviews at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Murder-in-the-Buff-ebook/dp/B007HOPSFE/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1331647638&sr=8-5

If you agree with the reviews, be sure to like and tag the book while you're there!

And while I'm on the subject of promotion, I'm guesting over at Lindsay's Romantics today, dishing about romantic mysteries. Come on over and share a cup of tea. Here's the permalink:

http://lindsaysromantics.blogspot.com/2012/03/if-you-like-romantic-mystery.html

Maggie Toussaint

blending mystery and romance into compelling fiction

www.maggietoussaint.com